A Fairy-tale Ending

Some battles were won, while most were lost...The war has ended, in a blaze of glory, and shame. Two Stubborn hearts, beating as one. I turned around for a moment. A split second, only to find your heart beating a new tune. A song I've never heard, while mine lay cold on the floor, shattered into lifeless shards...

It's moments such as these that help me remember why I am the way I am. The memory of old wounds reopened, picked beyond the surface. These wounds run deep. Deeper than the bluest of blood in my veins. It's ironic how I advise those around me to never give yourself fully to another, fore no one is worth such a sacrifice. Yet, here I sit recalling those many moments when I did just that. I know my worth. I know not a single soul, besides my own, is worthy of having such a responsibility, to carry around the pieces of myself that make me uniquely me. I allowed it, and now I must pay the price; same as those broken souls before me, who fell victim to their own carelessness.

Lust is often confused with love, but love is a tricky beast. Often times people who "think" they are in love, are merely lustful; the passion runs thick, so thick, you often times get stuck to the point of obsession. This obsession swiftly takes an ugly turn into addiction. Before I could even blink, I was addicted...addicted to the point of no return, and caught up in the future, forgetting about the now. Lust clutched onto me so hard that my heart melted into love, like the wax of a candle dripping into a pool of molten droplets on a dirty floor. I was consumed by such an ideal. The picture perfect image detailed in my mind- I imagined a masterpiece, and crafted a disaster! Maybe it wasn't my fault. I had fallen victim to a single-minded fool; a fool who would return, and I knew it. I felt it coming. I felt the pull of his presence, even from miles apart. I predicted this epic comeback, and for that, I am proud. Maybe so proud that I failed to realize he never really left. His ghost had been here the whole time, haunting my dreams, my everyday. There was unfinished business, and a bad taste of regret, prior to our very first encounter. These are things that aren't easily shed. These are things that wrap you up like a fur coat- so beautiful, yet disgusting, and cruel.

I don't fault him...I'm the one to blame. I gave him too much of myself, and forgot who I was without him. That's a fate I created all on my own.

I'm in recovery, a stoic choice I made once upon a time, and have been for quite awhile now. My shattered heart is now my own masterpiece, a work of art that I pieced back together, with the lustful glue that shattered it in the first place. They say, the more glass is heated the stronger it gets. If that's the case, my heart is stronger than ever, jaded by memories, and damn near turned to stone.

"The will to fight is lost in the silence of the night.

Divided by wood and nails, Slumber overcomes heated thought.

Sometimes silence hurts worse than stabbings words.

A razor tongue can cut through the surface, explaining truth.

A truth that was never lost in lies, only buried by anger.

'Tis the end either way

The dragon wins, as his fire roars . . .

Crackling and popping over all that remains.

The fairy-tale is over, concluded by two stubborn hearts."

November 2012- J. L. Howard